Depress and Dissatisfy

Diposting oleh alexandria joseph | 18.32

I saw my result last night,
I'm not satisfy with my result at all.

Although everyone told me that,
"you already passed all subjects, what do you aiming for? a distinction or a high distinction in degree year 2 ? No no no, that's kind of impossible. Just go for a credit, that's more than enough to survive in university."

Even I just told Dai Yee about my result,
she also said that,
"That's good, you got 2 distinction and 1 credit in the mid-sem exam"

My Language and Communication for Business and Commerce,
I got 16 out of 20 for the Oral Presentation.
(Which everybody told me that I did well in the presentation,
I don't really satisfy with the marks, I think I can do better in the presentation.
But, NERVOUS spoiled everything. The tutor give me a very good appraisal.
My appraisal,
Strengths :
- Good confident speech
- You tried to speak rather that read which showed you understood the article and that you had rehearsed.
- Good pronunciation of difficult words
- Nice explanation of points and good interactive questions and examples.

But the areas in need of improvement:
- You spoke a bit fast perhaps due to nerves?

And, I got 4 out of 5 marks for the participation marks in class.
total up, I got 20 marks out of 25 marks, which is a 80% in percentage format.
I'm not satisfy with this as well,
because, I should do in a much more better way instead of only get this kind of marks.
*Well, I'm the highest marks in my class. So what? I just feel that, I didn't achieve a marks that I should get. I'm just .......... shouldn't get this kind of marks.

My financial accounting only got (38 out of 50 marks)
-I got full marks 25 in the short answer question,
but heck, I only got 13 out of 25 in the freaking Multiple Choice Question.
(Told ya, I don't have the luck to simply circle and get all correct in MCQ.
I'm kind of person that need to write them off, and show that I'm really good and understand in the question)
Overall, I got 76% if in percentage for the mid-semester result.
Although this counted as a distinction, but it's only a distinction with 76%.

My Corporate Finance is SUCKS.
40 Multiple Choice Question,
I only got 28 correct and it's only 70% in the percentage format.
Which mean I only get a credit in my mid-semester exam for Corporate Finance.

Business Laws' mark not yet release,
but I don't give any hope on that, because I did the worse in Business Laws' mid-semester exam.
Pass is for sure, but then ...

I'm really feel so DEPRESS and DISSATISFY with my results.

I need to work hard in the final exam to achieve a HIGHER marks and pull all the marks up.

I know that I'm greedy.

When I'm in Kindergarten, Primary and Secondary school, I never think of marks.
I don't study, I just go for the exam and achieve marks, then, that's it.
I never think of get A+, A-, B+ or anything.

but when I came to Australia study,
everything change.

During Foundation which back to 2 years before, 2009 June.
I just feel like, well,
credits is not bad, distinction and high distinction of course better.
first semester just gave myself reason that
"It's only first semester, anything la , cincai la."
once I get a Distinction in my communication skills I,
I skipped the communication skills II and straight away jump to the Academic Skills which is a Diploma subject but I done it in my Foundation semester 2, and I passed the subjects in Distinction as well.

Diploma which back to last year, 2010.
I starting greedy, starting wish to achieve every subjects in Distinction and High Distinction.
well, I did it.
And get a very good GPA.
I got 6.3 out of 7 for my GPA.
which is really good, since I'm an Asian who studying in a western country.

I never think of "FAIL" this word in my studies until now.
(Foundation, Diploma and now, Degree.)
I knew that I sure pass in all subjects, just let's see which grade that I can achieve for.

Back to February, 2011.
Stress, Pressure and Tension first came into my study life.
and **** it, I starting to get insomnia every night.
physically tired like WTH, but mentally still working and I also don't know what am I thinking.

I starting to convince myself that
"Credit or a pass is more than enough to let me survive in degree life."
but then somehow, now I get my result for mid-semester exam,
I just can't get through myself to accept this kind of results.
I just can't stand with the word "Pass" and "Credit".
Grades never showed in the certificate, why am I so stubborn?
I don't know. I just feel like this is what I should do.
I want to relax myself and stop thinking about this things,
watch movie? listen to music? skype with family? chat in msn? play games in facebook? hang out with friend in the gold coast and brisbane? go have a good sleep? eat?
yes, they do help, but, once I stopped do this kind of things.
the freaking feeling is back again and again.
they just don't want to leave me alone and let me cheer myself up.

Yes, Degree year 2 is really very difficult if compare to foundation and diploma.
but, I don't even know what am I thinking now.
forget about it..

Papa, Mama and family.


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